The news the other day featured a picture that had been captured of a galaxy far, far, far away that looked like a huge question mark. I’m sure the lure of what this is snagged a few people who imagined an exploration trip to find out what question it is asking.
For me, what’s happening here on Earth holds as much mystery as that far-away galaxy. It certainly seems that the longer I live, the more I think I know (or knew, or never knew!) can easily be overridden by the facts I certainly don’t know.
As an example, I never had a mother before who was 104 and still in charge of me. Maybe that’s more her reality than mine, but any way you cut it, she just can’t resist the urge to guide me in the direction she thinks is best.
After recently reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, I’ve gained several new perspectives on this “mothering” habit of my 104-year-old parent. In the past, my eyes would roll, words would be softly muttered, and part of me would have resented that many years into my adulthood, I still didn’t know how to manage my life (her view, not mine). But my new inner voice, with new-found knowledge from the book, challenged me to pick out some different perspectives. Here are a few I gathered:
Perspective #1
My mother still feels the need to be needed. I guess I can wrap my arms around this idea and project that at that age (do I really want to be 104?), I might feel the same.
Perspective #2
Where she lives, my mom is honored with the distinction of being the oldest person in the building, and the smartest. The advice she gives is sought out by many. Crappy boyfriend who forgets your birthday? “Get rid of him!” Need a girls weekend? “Take it! Your family will survive!” “That outfit would look better with a tailored jacket.”
And don’t get her started on politics, because despite being 104, she doesn’t miss a thing and knows who is picking the pockets of the public with false ideas. So perhaps her advice is something I should consider.
She still cares enough about me to make sure I’m not wandering off the successful life path. Now, this one is a bit tied up with the idea of having a perfect kid, so I guess she still sees hope that I’ll attain that perfection.
The fact is that I get to choose the perspective or lens from which I want to view this. I don’t need to stay caught in the old mother-daughter dance, which was usually filled with self-doubt, anger, or any number of other negative emotions. I guess you could say I could let her be her. And me? I’m the one with the emotional baggage that I drag around in these conversations, so maybe I could leave it in the airport next time I fly in.
Old patterns, as well as perspectives, become a source of comfort for us. They are established and predictable, which are qualities we humans seem to cherish. Our brains are pretty simple, and if what is established gets us through, leave as it is becomes the brain’s battle cry.
Going back to a book I never thought I would pick to read, author Mark Manson states that for most of us, our comfort leaves us in rote patterns and, well, comfortable… without the desire to change. No matter how ineffective the pattern may be, we will cling to it. When a major shakeup happens in our lives, it can move that comfort dial off into space, forcing us to open to a different perspective to help us manage the crisis. Hopefully, it then becomes both a learning and growth experience for us that will crack open our stores of resiliency, giving us new tools to use in our future.
The Question Mark Galaxy is light years away, challenging us to decode its mystery. I try to imagine myself space-bound--not in a ship, but in my consciousness, an inner journey propelling me outward into the darkness of space. Wow… OK, maybe not! I am very much an Earth being! And hopefully I’ll stay that way a bit longer as I fully intend, like my mother, to challenge myself--and maybe even others--to find new perspectives.
Diana Creel Elarde is a PSYCH-K® facilitator, Adj Psychology Instructor and author of the book, A Star in My Hand, and a three-time contributing author to the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. You can reach Diana at www.emerginginsightsgroup.com
A Galaxy Far, Far, Away copyright DElarde, 2004
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